What type of mom are you?

My mom loves to tell people that when she would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always gave the same answer- a mommy. Never a doctor, an astronaut, a singer, or a vet...always a mommy. It's true; I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. During my growing up years that included staying at home like my mom did. Still, if you had told me a few years ago that today I would be a breastfeeding, bed sharing, stay-at-home mom, I would have laughed at you.

Life in the "real world" put a fear in me that financially we could never make it on one income. Joey was convinced it was necessary for us to both work, and at the time I didn't really have an argument because I couldn't see a way around it either. So I worked on climbing the corporate ladder.

While working I came across many types of moms- single moms, married moms with supportive husbands and with jerk off husbands, those who worked full-time, part-time, and some that just needed to get out of the house and have a little adult conversation. I wondered what type of mom I would be. Lots of moms stand out in my mind when I think back about all the lovely ladies that worked for me over the years. I didn't realize it at the time, but each of them were teaching things that I needed to know before being a mom myself. Without giving any names, I'll tell you about a few that I have much more respect for now that I get it.

First, is the single mom. I respected her at the time to be sure. I saw the struggle it was for her to both provide for her son, and to be there for him as much as possible. She worked two jobs to support them. Full-time 8-5, and part-time for me a few nights a week and on weekends. As was the norm for being the boss, I was the bad guy. The retail world doesn't stop for baseball games or all the countless birthday parties that kids get invited to. She wanted to do it all, but I needed her to work. She slowly became more and more depressed that she saw so little of her son, and her performance dropped off a cliff. I felt for her, but my boss was chewing and that had to stop. We had a talk and she decided that she couldn't make the job work anymore. I was relieved that I didn't have to continue to nag on her performance, or worse take "next steps". I ran into this mom on Mother's Day. I was strolling through the mall, enjoying my day with Gabriel and Joey. She was working. My heart broke for her. I wished her a happy Mother's Day, gave her a hug, and whispered, "I'm so sorry." in her ear. Without saying a word, her face told me, "You do what you have to do." I know I will for Gabriel.

Second, the breastfeeding mom. I'll say first that breastfeeding never really interested me. My mom didn't BF me, and no one I knew had breastfed either. It seemed unnecessary, and I wondered why anyone would bother when formula seemed to produce healthy children too. This mom was pregnant with her second son when I took over the store she worked in. She soon after left on maternity leave, and returned to work afterwards carrying a big black tote bag. Everyday she toted that heavy thing into work, and quite a bit of time went by before I even realized what it was for- pumping. How it went unnoticed that she went to the bathroom during her lunch break everyday, and didn't come out until her lunch was over is...well, sad. When I did notice, I thought ewwww! I was repulsed that she spent her entire lunch break eating and pumping in the bathroom. I wondered why anyone would subject themselves to such torture. Ugh...eating in the bathroom? No way! Any musings on what it would be like to breastfeed flew right out of my head. Nothing to think about. I wasn't doing it. Luckily I was an avid reader while pregnant. I learned the benefits to bfing and decided to give it a try. I knew I'd only bf during my maternity leave though. There was no way I was hanging out in the bathroom on my lunch break! As it turned out, I didn't return to work. Looking back I keep kicking myself for allowing her to pump in the bathroom. She never complained, and it didn't occur to me to figure out a better place for her. The parking lot was too far considering we only had 30min lunch breaks, and the stock room wouldn't have provided any privacy. The only other option was my office. Really my office wasn't just mine though. It was used by her and our PT managers too, so I don't know if that was a great option. It had a lock on the door, but I wonder if she would have just worried the whole time that someone would need in the file cabinet while she was in there. I could have figured something out for her, but I didn't know any better. Poor thing pumped in the bathroom for months on end. I cringe at the thought, but if the bathroom was my only option, I'd do the same thing for Gabriel.

Lastly, I'll tell you about the mom that just had to get out of the house. I'll tell you about one of them, but there were actually MANY of this type of mom! This mom was a stay-at-home mom of two little ones. She started working PT to have an opportunity for adult conversation. As it turned out, working really suited her. It gave her the boost of confidence she needed after spending most of her days playing peek-a-boo while wearing spit-up. She quickly became interested in working towards a promotion, which meant more hours. After she received that one, she was determined to get promoted again. That promotion was a FT position. This was the mom I had a hard time understanding. She was able to stay at home like I wanted to, but chose to work instead. I understand now that being a stay-at-home mom is a thankless job. No one comes by to compliment you on your successes on a regular basis. There are no performance reviews to praise your strengths and help you to build on your opportunities. There are no interviews for you to brag about all you've accomplished. No promotions. No pay raises....and worse, no pay at all! Having all of those things gave this mom the oompf she needed. Her relationship with her husband started to spark and she was overall a happy and confident woman. I see how I lack the confidence I once had while I was working. I'd like to get it back in another way, but I respect her decision to work for the happiness of her and her family. Whatever the reason, I'll never judge a working mom again.

Now that I'm a mom, I realize that as long as you love your child unconditionally and provide all their needs, there are no right and wrong ways to be a mom. What works for some, would never work for others. So whatever type of mom you are, be her with confidence!

What type of mom are you? Is that what you expected?

I could not ask for more

I discovered this week that being a stay at home mom has brought me everything my heart desires. Well, almost everything. As it turns out, this job doesn’t come with a salary. Big surprise, I know. Over the past 5-6 years, I really grew accustomed to spending the salary I brought home. If I wanted it, I bought it. Those were the days! When I was growing up, my mom always said that I was spoiled, but not rotten. So I guess after becoming an adult, I decided that I’d go ahead and reach that rotten level. So you can imagine the shock to my system when Joey didn’t jump at the opportunity to buy me the new camera I want…wait… NEED. As it turns out, we just don’t have the $800. He told me I could save up for it. WHAT?! Save for it? I don’t understand. Wait? What exactly is this…what’s it called again…wait? Never heard of it. So I set out on a mission to sell all of my belongings. So far I’m batting zero. (Oh and for those of you that may be interested- I do have a fully functioning kidney just lying around. Make me an offer!) Not receiving instant gratification is really eating away at me. I guess I have a lot to learn.
Our new lifestyle is really quite the adjustment. When we used to say we were going to the mall, we meant The Mall of America. Now we stroll through the sad little mall in Muskogee, and try to remember what all the empty spaces were once upon a time. Trying a new place for dinner used to mean tracking down an exciting place featured on Diners, Drive Ins and Dives. Now we have our choice of fast food, or bland buffets full of incredibly obese people who appear to be attempting to break a world record of some sort. We would never chose this place if it wasn’t for our families being here. Never.
Today I pulled out all of my pre-pregnancy clothes. They don’t fit. Not even close. I do have an array of lovely clothes with stylish new stains however. I’m starting a new trend- spit up stains. It really gives your clothes that worn in look. Oh how I long to wear all of my beautiful clothes again.
Now if you’ve read up until this point you must think I am throwing myself a pity party. You would be correct. I’m grieving a life lost. The good news is that these changes in my life are exactly what I asked for. “I’ll eat ramen noodles everyday if I have to.” were my exact words to Joey when I declared my downright refusal to return to work. If I’m being honest that’s what it was. Yes I explained that I felt that it was my calling, my place in the family, what God intended for me and for us- but at the root of it all- I simply refused to return to work after having Gabriel like a child refuses to eat their brussell sprouts.
So here I sit, without my camera. I go for a stroll in a mall that has none of my favorite stores. I wear clothes that are comfy and covered in spit up. I eat with the locals that could eat me and…. I LOVE IT!
As it turns out, I am excited at the challenge to save up my money for something I really want (oh ya- need. I really NEED it Joey.). The mall thing stinks, but being able to go to the mall with family makes it worthwhile. I’ve always enjoyed comfy clothes. They can be flattering. They can! The spit up I have no solution for, but at the core of my heart- I really like it. My stained shirt means I spend all day with the love of my life. As far as the food goes, I refuse to spin that into a positive. It’s a complaint I’m entitled to. I love food. I LOVE FOOD. This isn’t food. Even if it was, the scenery should ruin any sane person’s appetite.

I love my new job. I respect my new boss. I end each day feeling an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. I take pride in working hard. I believe that my place is at home taking care of my family. God has and will continue to bless our lives. I couldn’t ask for more than that.

Except for maybe that camera J

Welcome to my blog!

I've wanted to start a blog for a long time now, but for many years my hectic life didn't allow for it. There was also the problem of a lack of interesting things to write about. (who wants to hear about my job day in and day out?) My life is still hectic, but in a new way... and my new little bundle of joy I'm sure will provide plenty of interesting writing points. So with inspiration from my friend, Shelley Clem, I've up and created a blog. Jump in if you're prepared to read about all things Gabriel, my new life as a stay at home mom, our adventures preparing for and entering the Navy life, and any other ramblings that spill out!

So to explain the title of my blog...
It's a lyric from one of my favorite songs- Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson. (click on the link to hear it!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkyrIRyrRdY

It's a whimsical song that always puts me in a good mood. He sings of forgetting the world outside, sleeping in, and pretending it's the weekend. I used to feel the urge to call in sick and spend the day carefree just lazing around with Joey after listening to it. What a magical daydream when you're faced with a day of irate customers and associates that thought they deserved a paycheck for showing up late and then standing around! Well now that I don't have a "job", I've come to discover this feeling of enjoying my days as if it were the weekend each and every day. I truly enjoy being the caretaker of our family and home. It doesn't matter what chore awaits me- stinky diaper, messy bathroom, making dinner, packing lunch for Joey- I feel a great sense of pleasure and pride doing so. I do believe I'm called to do this. I've also begun to consider weekends the highlight of my week. When I managed retail stores, weekends didn't exist for us. I almost always worked, and for years mine and Joey's schedules never really seemed to match up. We rarely had the same days off, and never a weekend unless we were on vacation. Now Joey has every weekend off, and we spend them as one big happy family. I also know that soon our weekends will be few and far between, and Gabriel and I will look forward to those weekend visits to Joey as he is training for the Navy. I expect this period of our lives to be very trying, and know that concentrating on the time we do have together- the weekends- will get us through.

Hope you enjoying following our challenging, fun-filled, non-stop, new and improved, blessed lives!